My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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