I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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