I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
