I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
