And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
A+ Viking dick
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
