I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
