Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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