I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
