i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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