I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
