I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
