I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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