I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
