just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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