I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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