Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
