Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
