Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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