don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
