We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
