I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I wish there were birth control emojis
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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