we're chasing vodka with high fives
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
