I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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