Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
