You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
