Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
