She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
