K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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