I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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