Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
