home. puking in laundry basket.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
