I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
