just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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