If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
