I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
