i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
