I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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