she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
