3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
