He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
