therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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