I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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