dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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