hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm having to shit out rocks
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
