I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
