so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
