I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
