I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
