So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
