I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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