No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
