I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
