I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
